It hurts

It seems I will never know why people become special to me. And rarely if ever am I so special to another. I feel disposable. Yet, in spite of the pain, I have to be who I know I have been made to be. So I will love, care and speak to each... no matter the voided return...

Twenty Ten is here. Officially 28 years old. Life in a new year! This one is full of questioning, sorting, seeking...healing...

The last few years have held deep love, severe loss, many tears, disappointed hope, lost dreams, new friendships and so much more. I'm looking ahead to what these next days and seasons have in store. One day at a time, a conversation at a time, the next right thing... simplifying in mind, body and spirit. My hope is to center, breathe and move forward.

Kicking off this year with a trip to Belize was a perfect reminder and reviver of my passion and the bare bones of what enlivens my senses. With dreams and memories I am clothed with what I need to continue sorting myself and life out. And for now, thats what I am doing...sorting.

in lincoln city...wish i had captured more.

"Almost Lover"

Your fingertips across my skin

The palm trees swaying in the wind

Images

You sang me Spanish lullabies

The sweetest sadness in your eyes

Clever trick

I never want to see you unhappy

I thought you'd want the same for me

Goodbye, my almost lover

Goodbye, my hopeless dream

I'm trying not to think about you

Can't you just let me be?

So long, my luckless romance

My back is turned on you

I should've known you'd bring me heartache

Almost lovers always do

We walked along a crowded street

You took my hand and danced with me

Images

And when you left you kissed my lips

You told me you'd never ever forget these images, no

I never want to see you unhappy

I thought you'd want the same for me

Goodbye, my almost lover

Goodbye, my hopeless dream

I'm trying not to think about you

Can't you just let me be?

So long, my luckless romance

My back is turned on you

I should've known you'd bring me heartache

Almost lovers always do

I cannot go to the ocean

I cannot drive the streets at night

I cannot wake up in the morning

Without you on my mind

So you're gone and I'm haunted

And I bet you are just fine

Did I make it that easy for you

To walk right in and out of my life?

Goodbye, my almost lover

Goodbye, my hopeless dream

I'm trying not to think about you

Can't you just let me be?

So long, my luckless romance

My back is turned on you

I should've known you'd bring me heartache

Almost lovers always do

Three passions have governed my life: The longings for love, the search for knowledge, And unbearable pity for the suffering of [humankind]. Love brings ecstasy and relieves loneliness. In the union of love I have seen In a mystic miniature the prefiguring vision Of the heavens that saints and poets have imagined. With equal passion I have sought knowledge. I have wished to understand the hearts of [people]. I have wished to know why the stars shine. Love and knowledge led upwards to the heavens, But always pity brought me back to earth; Cries of pain reverberated in my heart Of children in famine, of victims tortured And of old people left helpless. I long to alleviate the evil, but I cannot, And I too suffer. This has been my life; I found it worth living.

Bertrand Russell: adapted

Lyrics to Redemption :

The darker the night the brighter the day

the fiercer the fight the stronger the faith

so i place my hope in You

the deeper the sin

the stronger the blood

the more to forgive

the more reason to love

so i place my trust in You

in Your ways oh God

redemption is so much better than perfection

in Your ways oh God

over and over

You prove You're so faithful

over and over

You prove Yourself a redeemer

the darker the night

the brighter the day

the fiercer the fight

the stronger the faith

so i place my hope in You

in Your ways oh God

redemption is so much better than perfection

in Your ways oh God

redemption is so much better than perfection

in Your ways oh God

over and over

You prove You're so faithful

over and over

You prove Yourself a redeemer

in Your ways i have

redemption

so much better than perfection

so i place all my hope in You

Lyrics to Trust:

It's the sweetest thing

to trust you

just to know

You got everything under control

it's the sweetest thing

to trust you

just to know

You got everything

and You are making me a mountain

making me a mountain

that cannot be shaken

well You are making me a mountain

making me a mountain

that cannot be moved

high up on a rock

looking out at the horizon

watching as the storm rolls in

wondering if my heart will survive it

as the waves crash all around me

and can't remember what it feels like to be free

i know You're making me a mountain

making me a mountain

that cannot be shaken

oh You are making me a mountain

making me a mountain

that cannot be moved

You say, I've got you my baby

I've got you

it's quite the mess you're in

but it's nothing Love can't fix

so sit here upon my shoulders

and watch as it all unwinds

You are making me a mountain

making me a mountain

that cannot be shaken

i know You're making me a mountain

making me a mountainthat cannot be moved