Walkin

A bit of a recent update on my life. Something that is currently occuping most of my free time outside of work is a Banquet and silent art Auction for a local humanitarian organization. I am apart of the coordinating team for a huge upcoming Event. It's a Fund Raiser for a local non-profit called REACH. It is such a neat experience, which has definitely been exciting. I love being on a team and working for something that has deep meaning and impact on the lives of others. However trying to get donations has proved extremely stressful. I have been asking God to show me what it looks like to trust Him in something that I carry so much responsibility in. I want to seek and trust Him, to know this is HIS event first of all and that He could totally pull this whole thing off without anyone on the team if He so chose. But I also want to be faithful and carry my responsibilities as a high priority. So trusting Him to provide this huge amount of FREE wine and beer is a bit of a struggle. I hate that I struggle with it at all, it should be so easy to trust the God who saved my soul to provide 250 measly bottles of free wine. AH! I aggravate myself....

So life has been utterly insane lately. I have been staying busy, which is great but serves as a threat to my sanity b/c time management and discipline are not naturally strong traits of mine. I try to stay organized, but man it does not come easily! I am looking to move to Portland, but on the amount of money I make it is extremely difficult to find something. I want to live in a Christ following community and spend less then $350 total on rent. So ya...a bit hard. But God knows and I trust He will give that which seems impossible.

Work is a blessing, but I want to find new ways to push myself to improve and excel. I am not sure what that looks like just yet, but in time... It has been more and more beautiful to see God shape my heart and reveal the power of speaking and walking truth. Being able to walk along side woman as their lives are being changed by the healing and redeeming power of God is incredible and definineingly humbling.

I am committed to taking classes and going through exposing sessions to unveil my past issues, pains and resentments, to eliminate negative behavioral patterns and face a future more healthy then generations before me. So in that of course God is taking me through some rough stuff right now that's for sure. Feeling the loss, pain, rejection and loneliness of not having a Father is new and pretty shocking to be honest. I thought I was way OK with my dad leaving. But as a 25 year old woman I need my dad more then ever before. I think a father is key in validating a girls very existence. There is something that doesn't click right when that God intended component is missing. I am learning so much about myself and the drive I have for emotional, mental, physical and spiritual health. It is worth going through the fire to continue the refining. I long to be nothing less the woman God created me to be.

I love that God is tender and loving and kind...what other gods have those characteristics...it is pure beauty and freedom to be HIS, and I long daily to be with Him. I say "COME LORD JESUS, COME!"

restling

My heart aches for the brokenness in my family...my heart doesn't understand why anyone would choose to be out of relationship with our God given companions. Honestly it is a deep pain that causes much inner discord within my soul... Family is everywhere in scripture, in fact it is considered the highest of all created institutions, we are told as believers strangers are made family members and that when we choose Christ we are now HIS family. If in fact family is menial and not to be highly honored and revered, sacred even, then why does the Bible speak of it from Genesis to Revelation...

Sometimes I am angry...but mostly I am hurt. Why don't those that I love so desperately love me in return?

Smell the Roses continued...

More recent photo's....

Smell the Roses

Thankful...so thankful am I as of lately for the tender presence of my Lord. I know Him and seek Him by His grace...and I am being changed.

Life is interesting as always. I am really thankful for the small ways in which God is meeting me and reminding me that He is trust worthy, confirming the places in which He has me. It is such grace for God to prove Himself, so incredibly undeserving for God to prove who He is to us stupid sheep. But He truly is the GOOD SHEPHERD.

Last week in staff meeting we were lead to Mathew 13:54-58 and let go to meditate and pray through this passage for 30min. I have been so impacted by that time and the truths keep coming to me. My heart is convicted especially by verse 58 "And He did not do many mighty works there because of their unbelief." I have been praying for God to reveal the unbelief in my own heart first, then praying for repentance in the hearts of my family, my city and my country. The reality that my/our unbelief can be cause for God not to do mighty works but to move on really scares me. It has been cause for meditation and prayer constantly this week for me. The power that my nonchalant attitude to sin, and to my savior, can have is alarming and deeply convicting. It puts a fervent sense of urgency to repent and have revealed every shred of unbelief within me, so that Christ will stay and do mighty works!

The word of God is utterly refreshing like nothing else in all this world...

Psalm 34

I WILL bless the Lord at all times;

His praise shall continually be in my

mouth.

My soul shall make its boast in the

Lord;

The humble shall hear of it and be glad.

Oh, magnify the Lord with me,

And let us exalt His name together.

I sought the Lord, and He heard me,

And delivered me from all my fears.

They looked to Him and were radiant,

And their faces were not ashamed.

This poor man cried out, and the Lord

heard him,

And saved him out of all his troubles.

The angel of the Lord encamps all

around those who fear Him,

And delivers them.

Oh, taste and see that the Lord is

good;

Blessed is the man who trusts in Him!

Oh, fear the Lord, you His saints!

There is no want to those who fear

Him.

The young lions lack and suffer hunger;

But those who seek the Lord shall not

lack any good thing.

Come, you children, listen to me;

I will teach you the fear of the Lord.

Who is the man who desires life,

And loves many days, that he may see

good?

Keep your tongue from evil,

And your lips from speaking guile.

Depart from evil, and do good;

Seek peace, and pursue it.

The eyes of the Lord are on the

righteous,

And His ears are open to their cry.

The face of the Lord is against those

who do evil,

To cut off the remembrance of them

from the earth.

The righteous cry out, and the Lord

hears,

And delivers them out of all their

troubles.

The Lord is near to those who have a

broken heart,

And saves such as have a crushed

spirit.

Many are the afflictions of the

righteous,

But the Lord delivers him out of them

all.

He guards all his bones;

Not one of them is broken.

Evil shall slay the wicked,

And those who hate the righteous shall

be condemned.

The Lord redeems the soul of His

servants,

And none of those who trust in Him

shall be condemned.

Fun times doing makeup lately for photo shoots and tv! Not super extensive but still always thankful and wispering praise to Jesus when it turns out. I love it, its really a fun creative thing that I enjoy doing. The opportunities are a gift.