My random attempt at poetry

Purposing to be
a distinct
and ever evolving
me.
I fight to free the chains of my first Adam legacy
that attempts to enslave this blooming flower of complexity.
Debris from my iniquities
whirlwind around me,
threatening my sanity.
I prepare to wage war
on the desires of my flesh
which surface;
Consistent,
Suffocating.
Their evil intentions to devour my spirit
eat unremittingly.
Adam scoffs at the New Man,
defaming His imputed character of perfection.
But as I purpose to be
…I stage an intentional reality,
a reminder of truth.
An internal alarm signals
giving warning
of the intensity of the battle
each morning I wake.
I face the war with determination
to rest in imputed righteousness.
Growth teases me with its fertile quintessence,
fueling my willpower for achievement.
I hunger for change and transformation.
Glimpses of my potential
send glitters of illumination
dancing like the reflection of candle light,
on the mirror inside my head.
What I see has arrived
if only I grasp and keep
its radiance of certainty.

So very good to be loved

I love how God shows His love in undeniably profound ways that take me by total surprise. It may sound simple and not profound at all to most, but that's part of the beauty, its so intimate and personal the reality of how much the love of Christ really IS personal and intimate is revealed to just me. It was as basic as finding myself sitting in the Urban Grind as Ron Frost began his 8 week class on the relational reading of the Bible...and then the abundance of God speaking to my heart thundered as if I were in a small raft beneath Niagara Falls. My insides come alive when I am learning about Christ, hearing truth and engaging my heart, mind and spirit toward the understanding of this ginormous, unfathomable amazing and loving God that I belong to. I am so excited to embark on this new adventure of growth. I know He is changing me and tonight I got a taste of that hope for something tangible.

I also am so glad b/c I am seeing God consistently spare me heartache with males. After my long relationship was over, I really engaged in my reality and allowed myself to feel all that I had to in order to heal. God was so present and faithful through that time and He continues that Fatherly care for me in prevention of any relationships that are not intended by Him, even when they are tempting and I long for them as a weak woman so desirous of love. I heard a report from my cousin about a guy that was tempting to me for a while and it was such deep conformation that choosing to fight toward the love of Christ really is the greatest, most fulfilling and romantic love and it will carry me. Some days are really hard, most are not too bad, but it sits deep as a reality that I come from a family of single or poorly loved women. I know that God is taking my fears though...I am holding on to the freedom of His promises and to His hands that hold my tender and frail heart. It is so good to be loved by Jesus.

My first post...

I am new to this. We'll see how it goes, aye?
Life: April 10, 2007

Presently I must admit that I am a complete mess. My pastor might say a "beautiful mess" b/c we are all broken and that is a beautiful thing, for it is then Jesus is displayed in all His glory. I would normally agree, and perhaps I do, but it is a painful place. The honest truth is I feel like I am a never ending mess, always hurting from one thing or another, and maybe that's life when you live engaged in your reality. I attempt to be fully present and invested in my world, which makes it dramatically glorious and equally wretched in waves that are quite unpredictable. I am looking for a job, and trying to rack my brain to figure what career I could possibly envision myself in. Both are combating me w/ a blank empty stare down in which I am easily cowering to my defeat hoping they do not find victory. My grandmother is in a rehab center, not doing too well, with a list 3 and a half feet long, so I would rather not go into detail ;) sparing both me and you. My family seems to be struggling to love each other and stay invested in one another, each hurting and in deep trials. My mother is fighting for joy, and waking each morning to another exhausting day of self sacrifice to the care of others. My health is still in taunting disarray, no answers found. Money to bring much peace of mind is no where to be seen for any of us. I am 25 years old and feel as if I am having to learn who I am for the first time, thus making me feel excessively behind. I feel desperately alone most days, with hardly a friend to share my agony and joys with.
I disclose these generalities only to say to you it is exactly my perfect place to be. I am truly learning the joy of loving and being loved. Really, I am in a place that is beauty...I am being forced to look my Jesus in the eyes and re-engage the relationship I have looked away from. This painful state is one that will lead me to what I desire most, true intimacy with Jesus. It is the beginning...but my vision is starting to clear, and the pain starting to make sense...