Life is interesting as always. I am really thankful for the small ways in which God is meeting me and reminding me that He is trust worthy, confirming the places in which He has me. It is such grace for God to prove Himself, so incredibly undeserving for God to prove who He is to us stupid sheep. But He truly is the GOOD SHEPHERD.

Last week in staff meeting we were lead to Mathew 13:54-58 and let go to meditate and pray through this passage for 30min. I have been so impacted by that time and the truths keep coming to me. My heart is convicted especially by verse 58 "And He did not do many mighty works there because of their unbelief." I have been praying for God to reveal the unbelief in my own heart first, then praying for repentance in the hearts of my family, my city and my country. The reality that my/our unbelief can be cause for God not to do mighty works but to move on really scares me. It has been cause for meditation and prayer constantly this week for me. The power that my nonchalant attitude to sin, and to my savior, can have is alarming and deeply convicting. It puts a fervent sense of urgency to repent and have revealed every shred of unbelief within me, so that Christ will stay and do mighty works!

The word of God is utterly refreshing like nothing else in all this world...

Psalm 34

I WILL bless the Lord at all times;

His praise shall continually be in my

mouth.

My soul shall make its boast in the

Lord;

The humble shall hear of it and be glad.

Oh, magnify the Lord with me,

And let us exalt His name together.

I sought the Lord, and He heard me,

And delivered me from all my fears.

They looked to Him and were radiant,

And their faces were not ashamed.

This poor man cried out, and the Lord

heard him,

And saved him out of all his troubles.

The angel of the Lord encamps all

around those who fear Him,

And delivers them.

Oh, taste and see that the Lord is

good;

Blessed is the man who trusts in Him!

Oh, fear the Lord, you His saints!

There is no want to those who fear

Him.

The young lions lack and suffer hunger;

But those who seek the Lord shall not

lack any good thing.

Come, you children, listen to me;

I will teach you the fear of the Lord.

Who is the man who desires life,

And loves many days, that he may see

good?

Keep your tongue from evil,

And your lips from speaking guile.

Depart from evil, and do good;

Seek peace, and pursue it.

The eyes of the Lord are on the

righteous,

And His ears are open to their cry.

The face of the Lord is against those

who do evil,

To cut off the remembrance of them

from the earth.

The righteous cry out, and the Lord

hears,

And delivers them out of all their

troubles.

The Lord is near to those who have a

broken heart,

And saves such as have a crushed

spirit.

Many are the afflictions of the

righteous,

But the Lord delivers him out of them

all.

He guards all his bones;

Not one of them is broken.

Evil shall slay the wicked,

And those who hate the righteous shall

be condemned.

The Lord redeems the soul of His

servants,

And none of those who trust in Him

shall be condemned.

Fun times doing makeup lately for photo shoots and tv! Not super extensive but still always thankful and wispering praise to Jesus when it turns out. I love it, its really a fun creative thing that I enjoy doing. The opportunities are a gift.

Some pictures...

My 25th birthday breakfest w/ Charis and Ricky.
At the Blue Monk Jazz bar for my 25th!
Later that night at Fernando's salsa club. My amazing pretend little brother who is Saudi Arabian! Abdullah

This is Shafi another Arab friend, he attempted to teach me arabic, oh man...lol, it didn't go well.

nowuh days

Well life has taken massive turns and the Lord has lead me to new places in heart, mind, spirit and body. I am now working!!! Praise the Lord! I work at Shepherds Door, which is the women and children's arm of the Portland Rescue Mission. I am on the pastoral care team. My job is building relationships w/ the women and speaking into their lives while walking with them in their program. After being there I have realized that it is a sort of starting position, and I would like to move up and out of it eventually, according to God's plan alone of course. It is a year live in recovery/transformation program for homeless women coming out of drug and alcohol addictions. It is humbling to be apart of the work that God is doing there. There is a level of intensity and is heavily emotional right now though, causing my body much tiredness. They have me taking classes that rip open my past, heart and character defects. So that has been laden w/ much heartache, but rich fruit as well.

My most thankful transition is the one that has taken place within my heart. God has been kindly and gently bringing my gaze to Him, putting the joy of belonging to Him in my heart. I dance w/ gratitude and delight before my Father. It has been incredible, to feel and see the difference of continual pursuit of His ripe truth and the passion of His heart is penatrating to the core of my very being. Finding myself lost in the heart of God changes knowing ABOUT God to simply and beautifully KNOWING God. There is a HUGE difference! Daily my desire is to be in conversation and communion w/ Him, talking to Jesus is the object of my affections. Yesterday I read Psalm 125:2 which says "As the mountains surround Jerusalem, so God surrounds you, from this day forth and forevermore." that's me, I am the "forevermore"! Man, the Word of God lights my heart...my life, it is wondrous and transforming. My spirit sings as I read the truths and autobiography of my creator.

I am for the first time realizing and confronting the hole in my heart that being fatherless has left. It is painful and vulnerable. But God is really taking me through this intentionally and He continues to talk me through it. It has been a gift so far and I know it will continue to reveal more as time goes on. Addressing these things is a passion of mine. The mind, body, spirit health is vital for growth in my opinion. So as rough as this is, the beauty is limitless, fertile continual sprouting of wild and lush greenery will only spread wildly as I release all things to the working out and healing of Christ.

I suppose that is all for the time being. I really do hope to become more regular w/ this thing...all in time, I guess.

Old about me section

I feel behind. I don't have much of an idea or vision for a life career choice, and have had to stop school and work due to health problems, putting me even futher behind (according to my great reasoning of course ;) ). However I say all this because according to my values I believe that each moment and experience is given by the grace and soveriegnty of God and it's richness and beauty is not to be missed. So my current quest is to keep eye contact w/ my Heavenly Father so that I am fully engaged in our relationship. If my eyes are centered in His they are not on me. There in the comfort of His eye contact, is peace, grace, unconditional love, freedom.
I want to live boldly, passionately, richly, righteoussly...by God's grace it will be true of me some day.
My life has been radically blessed, w/ a plethera of incredible memories, dynamic and unique people, glorious stories shared back and forth, a wealth of investment most definately given to me through those who have come and gone...and those who have stayed.
Thank you Jesus for your gift of Eternal life, it is my breath, there is no me w/out You. Make me love You more each day.

Catch up time

When I started this thing I was all about keeping up on it, but I totally forgot about it! Man that is just like me.

For a bit of a catch up, I am currently working for my Uncle as his office assistant. This came at the perfect time. I needed some cash flow w/ flexibility and this job has provided just that. Although the money is very little it is at least some money! It was also really neat to me that this came along b/c I have been in prayer for my Uncle Kevin for many many years. He is an abusive alcoholic that is full of hate, bitterness and anger. He unleashes the evil of his heart everyday on those nearest to my heart. I have cried and prayed for years that God would redeem this household and take it for Himself.

I believe that the Holy Spirit lives w/in every Christ follower, so according to the Word of God light is within us. I am humbled and excited to be the only light in the darkness of that place. The office/shop teams w/ those captured by the world. It is indeed a dark place, but that is where God shines the brightest! He saves those who are sick not those who are "moral and upstanding" need Him, He goes for the least and most unlikely. How incredibly gracious! I pray truth and light would capture the hearts of every man that comes in and out of that place. I know God is working, and I trust that no matter if I am able to see it or not, it simply is fact.
New on the horizon is a new health practitioner. He does Nutrition Response Testing. My program has me off of ALL grains, ALL forms of sugars(including fruit), soy and corn. I am able to eat only organic meat, dairy and veggies. It has been trying! Even with me being the health nut that I am! But this is my last effort to find help. If this doesn't resolve my health problems, I will submit that it is God's purpose and plan to keep me ill for His glory and my good. This time has caused me to crawl into the heart of God and beg for Him to take over my heart conforming it to His. So many things which I found as part of my identity are taken away, thus leaving me to truly see the treasure of Christ as the object of all my affections. It is challenging me to dig into the truth and wear it as my true identity. I am a daughter of the most High, I am created and bought by the Son, I am free of sin and death, I am alive in Christ, I am righteous according to the life and death of Jesus, I am an heir, I am a servant, I am a new creation...putting on the promises of God. It is still a process and forever will be. However the beauty is that I above all else am in love w/ God, and want ONLY His heart!!! If struggling, being in pain, having a life that is the furthest from what I planned, gets me closer to His heart...I AM ALL ABOUT IT!
That is a bit of me right now. I'll try to be better at posting, lol...I don't even know if anyone reads this, but oh well. It's a good outlet non-the less